Three rules of life

My dad is a big John Wayne fan. I grew up with The Duke and 007 as role models. (Fortunately, I turned out okay in spite of that.) One scene I remember in particular is from The Sons of Katie Elder. John Elder and his sons are on a mission to save a little boy from desperados. His oldest son is antagonizing him with disrespectful quips and referring to his father as “Daddy”. Before the big showdown, John decides enough is enough. After another “Daddy”, he gets down off his horse, walks over to his son, and calmly says, since you haven’t learned to respect your elders, its time you learned to respect your betters. He pulls his son off his horse and knocks him on his ass. That’s the last of the attitude.

I don’t know why that scene has always stuck out to me but it helped form one of my fundamental values. Age is no indicator of wisdom or maturity. Youth is no indicator of a lack of wisdom or maturity. There are some basic life lessons we have forgotten. Here’s the first three on my list.

Number one: This should go without saying but if you participate in making a baby, stand up and take care of the family you created, and be the best mom or dad you can be. Don’t whine about it. If you’re not ready to be a parent, don’t have sex! If you and your partner are too barbaric to control yourselves and she gets pregnant, don’t kill the zygote, embryo, fetus, or baby just to make your life easier. Consider adoption so the child has the best chance at life.

Number two: Take care of your family, for better or worse, in life and death. My wife and I are the last married couple in America so I get that divorce is en vogue, but if you walk away from your vows, make you child support and/or spousal support payments on time. It may be necessary to adjust your lifestyle to meet your new obligations but if you agreed to it, even begrudgingly, stick to it.

Number three: Taking risks with your person and endangering those around you. I’ll almost never deny someone the right to do with their body what they feel is right, but when others are depending on you, when others look up to you as a role model, or when your actions can affect those around you, your choices become limited, not by me but as a consequence of having responsibilities. Excessive gambling, driving drunk (yes, I mean after having a couple beers as well as when you’re too drunk to unlock the deadbolt), smoking in the car with a child, not safeguarding your house against those who would come in and cause harm are all examples of unacceptable risk taking.

Failure to observe the first of my three life lessons are worth of a smack on the back of the head and a “dumbass.” The fundamental element of my argument is bringing back personal accountability as a priority. Egocentrism has its place. Self esteem is a healthy attitude. But a major part of justified self esteem and having something to be egocentric about is honor – having a value system that respects yourself and those around you and not compromising, especially not out of convenience or laziness. I don’t believe we’re defined by our actions, but habitual actions are indicative of attitudes, and decisions made as a result of our attitudes do contribute to how we are defined.

In many ways, no person is better than another, but that doesn’t make us equals. Respect is earned not guaranteed. I respect those with honor. Let’s make honor and person accountability more of a priority in our lives and in our community.